hush

I didn't want to say because I didn't want one to think that it would change me. It does not. I am still who I am, and I have neither grown more humble nor proud. Talking about it only makes me uncomfortable because I see how one perceives me changes -- both for good and bad. Public perception and status sucks. I don't want more or less of your respect because of what happened. So hush I will be because I have this thing inside of me that wants to prove to all that it does not change me. Only Christ does.

I feel as if lately I have been getting disappointed in so many things. I realized disappointment for me often happens when I feel like I am in a place of 'right'... so to speak. A sense of righteousness and entitlement almost goes hand in hand with my disappointments. So, when I do feel disappointed, I often have to remind myself to step back, think, understand, and love. Yet, in a way unknown to me, I feel like I've lost this ability or more so, lost the drive to will this refining process in me. Why? I don't know. This whole thing makes me feel like a more bitter person.

Is it any wonder that without you, I feel darker? Without you more empty, yet less desperate? Starving, but a loss of hunger? Without you, the instinct to live disappears. Father, you know me and the depths of my hearts.  Search me and when you find me, please nourish me. Love me tender for I am still tattered and torn.

I am thankful cause I still have this urge for your intimate touch -- at least, I didn't lose that. Thank you...

resentment

i will be the first to admit that i have my own insecurities. I think everyone does.

However, people who are wholly insecure annoy the crud out of me. People who just constantly want attention annoy me too. People who are dumb and incapable also annoy me. People who are socially awkward, although usually bearable and funny, becomes really annoying when in mix with any of the three aforementioned characteristics.

Somehow, my officemate is all four.

I resent it. GAH!

"What do I know of holy?"

this song is great.

i love the lyrics:
 "I think I've made you too small, I never feared you at all. If you touched my face, would I know you; looked into my eyes, could I behold you? What do I know of you who spoke me into motion? Where have I even stood but the soil along your ocean. Are you fire or are you fury? Are you sacred, are you beautiful?

And the girl who sings it, sings with such a pleading and dismayed, yet curious and hopeful voice. It's a song that comes to grips with realizing the distance from God, but also realizing there IS a greater intimacy that she has yet to come close with but desperately longs for.

Jesus, I love you and I want you, but what do I know of holy? What do I know of you?

Trick

I pulled off the greatest heist since Ocean's 11.

A trick so well done, it is surreal.