Practicing Hate

If I had to do a series of posts on what an evil man I am, this blog would have many more posts. But it is strangely wholly reviving and cathartic for me--so here is post #1.

To box out my office mate (whom I have much trouble loving), I stick in my super hi-fi noise cancelling headphones and scroll to Artist: Tim Keller (aren't I so awesome and righteous?) and listen to a sermon. And then I keep my eyes still, straight ahead, and when he tries to get my attention I pretend I cannot hear or see him. It is an effective box out... until he taps my shoulder.

This has to be hypocrisy at its best. I lock myself in with "Jesus". I sit and want to be loved, feel loved, but the last thing I want to do is love. This isn't even avoiding love; this is how I practice hate, and sadly this is only one of many ways I do it. And sometimes, listening to Tim Keller or whatever Christian smorgashborg it might be, it makes the hating feel okay. What a completely brainwashing crazy thing a pair of noise-cancelling earphones can do.

I have to learn not only to step outside my own comfort zones, but be able to step inside others' comfort zones. Christ stepped out of his form as God, and entered so willingly the realm of sin, and then took the hit to become and die as the sinner.