such little understanding of grace.

at times i feel far from being a 'sinner free'.

I feel like a sinner locked up, trapped up, and without much hope. That makes me want to lie face down away from God and whisper for his forgiveness -- trembling in doubt and a pitiful feeling as I tell myself, "I fully understand if you don't accept me now".

These feelings don't come from grave, 'serious' sins. But 'small', 'little' ones that bring me back to the dark corners within me. There is no measurable scale on sin, but I believe there are certainly some things that bring us faster to our shadows than others.

"Grace," I yell. "Grace," I scream. I raise my voice louder to extract from the volume some kind of conviction and belief, but layered under the loud yelling is just a hollow hope that echoes a fading desire for something to be real.

Rather... today, I feel and yearn for only your mercy. Father, I understand your wrath and reluctance if ever it exists within your heart.

"Mercy..." I whisper it softly through my trembling lips.

I do not understand Your grace, but praise be to You for it.